About Me

Ithaca, New York
MWF, now officially 42, loves long walks on the beach and laughing with friends ... oh, wait. By day, I'm a mid-level university administrator reluctant to be more specific on a public forum. Nights and weekends, though, I'm a homebody with strong nerdist leanings. I'm never happier than when I'm chatting around the fire, playing board games, cooking up some pasta, and/or road-tripping with my family and friends. I studied psychology and then labor economics in school, and I work in higher education. From time to time I get smug, obsessive, or just plain boring about some combination of these topics, especially when inequality, parenting, or consumer culture are involved. You have been warned.
Showing posts with label self help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self help. Show all posts

Saturday, November 3, 2012

#96: Survival Mom

Survival Mom: The Modern Family's Guide 
to Any Apocalypse, by Lisa Bedford
(New York: HarperOne, 2012)
 
Summary:
"Undaunted by the prospect of TEOTWAWKI (The End of the World as We Know It), Lisa Bedford tackles every what-if and worst-case scenario head-on, offering practical advice on how to prepare your family for whatever might come your way. From a few days without electricity to an unexpected job loss or total chaos after the destruction of a tornado, Survival Mom provides everything you need to become self-reliant and establish plans for your family, including:
  • preparing the home for a natural disaster
  • alternative sources of energy in a power's-out situation
  • everything you need to know about food storage
  • personal protection (do I really need to learn how to shoot a gun?)
"Deep inside every mom is a Survival Mom whose passion for her family drives her to make the best of the present and prepare for the future. So tap into your Mama Grizzly instincts and channel your worries into action. Whether you're a full-fledged 'prepper' or just getting started, with real-life stories and customizable forms and checklists along with Lisa's 'you can do it' attitude, Survival Mom replaces paranoia and panic with the peace of knowing YOU have the power to keep your loved ones safe and secure."

Table of Contents:
  • Quiz: What Kind of Survival Mom Are You?
  • From Suburban Mom to Survival Mom, an Introduction
  • 1. Prepare More, Panic Less
  • 2. Survival Begins with Water
  • 3. Keeping It Clean: The Ins and Outs of Sanitation
  • 4. The First Steps of Food Storage
  • 5. Increase Your Food Storage Savvy
  • 6. Your Home Base
  • 7. The Unplugged Home: Learning to Live Without Electricity
  • 8. The Essentials for Safety and Security
  • 9. Survival Finances
  • 10. It Takes a Compound
  • 11. Preparedness on the Go: Evacuation Basics
  • 12. Survival Mom to Survival Mom
My Take:
I've heard that life imitates art, and stumbled into enough eerie parallels between what's going on around me and what's on my bookshelf to agree. Sometimes, it's just a weird but minor coincidence that makes me smile to myself. Other times, I'd much rather my reading material have remained irrelevant. If you've been in or even aware of the northeastern US last week, you know this is one of those other times. I read this book last week, when I was still adjusting to my 90-minute commute and too brain-dead in the evenings to tackle anything other than a very concrete, lots-of-bulleted-lists self-help manual. Bedford's tone here really isn't particularly alarmist, and I'm too fond of my coffee and libraries to seriously contemplate going off-the-grid, but hearing the news reports and office chit-chat about Hurricane Sandy's approach and then falling asleep envisioning some of the scenarios for which Survival Mom recommends preparing had me sufficiently shaken that I sent Filbert out to stock up on batteries and flashlights and packed a change of clothes and an extra granola bar in my satchel when I set out for work on Monday, just in case.

Here in my neck of the woods, we were lucky. It rained steadily for a few days, and the wind gusts buffeting my little Matrix Monday evening were a bit unsettling, but that was all. The power never even flickered, and with no school for Twig or I and no real weather of consequence, Tuesday felt almost like a holiday, complete with a drizzly stroll downtown and a decadent soda-fountain float for dessert. My hometown, though, where my parents and siblings still live, was another story. It could have been worse, of course; they aren't in Breezy Point, where some 50 homes burned to the ground during the storm, or in any of the coastal Jersey communities of which aerial photos show only rooftops above the flood waters. Three-quarters of the Thyme family never left their homes, and got their power back on Thursday night. The glorious, seemingly immortal pin oak still towers over the house we grew up in, though Dad's started to make noises about how it's not looking so great after two years of hurricane damage and maybe he should take it down himself before another storm beats him to it. Most importantly, everyone is safe and healthy, including my newborn niece (who's fated to spend her every birthday hearing the grown-ups retell Hurricane Sandy stories that grow taller even as she does). Still, I see loved ones with flooded homes (some for the second time in two years), beaches and other beloved landmarks devastated, news of fights breaking out in gas station lines that make me wonder if some of Lisa Bedford's more apocalyptic what-ifs are really as far-fetched as I'd initially thought.

I don't want to co-opt this disaster into Hurricane Hazelthyme, grasping at whatever tenuous connection to tragedy I can so as to make myself the center of attention. But along with the obvious sadness and loss, I feel guilty, regret that I let my own busyness and awkwardness keep me from staying closer to these friends and relatives all along so I could offer help or at least sympathy now without being perceived as a tourist or a vulture. As the only one of four siblings who settled more than 15 miles from the aforementioned pin oak, I'm accustomed to feeling cut off from my family and my home town. I last lived there at 18, when few people are yet fully comfortable in their own skin, and as I now live 5 hours away, there will always be parties I can't attend and "in" jokes I Just Don't Get. Usually, though, what I'm missing are happy things: a Father's Day cookout, a shared beach house, my nephew's birthday party, a spontaneous dinner with my oldest friend, a chance meeting and drink with a former high school classmate in a neighborhood bar. I could walk into one of these events any time, and while I'd be a recurring guest star rather than a featured-in-the-title-sequence main character, I'd nonetheless be welcome; as Robert Frost said "Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in." Strange to say, though, I find myself wishing I'd gone out of my way to accept more party invitations, haunt more local watering holes, and make more phone calls and Facebook posts while I was there, so that I'd have earned the right to help haul ruined furniture out of some flooded basements now.

So much for not making it all about me. At any rate, this started because I'd read Survival Mom, which offers a solid, well-organized guide to increasing your family's self-sufficiency and disaster preparedness, provided you don't mind or can overlook some of the more catastrophic scenarios the author imagines. In Sandy's wake, few would argue with the logic of storing enough food and water for at least a week, even if the 2 to 3 months' supply Bedford recommends is more than your storage space or organizational skills can handle. Likewise, it suddenly seems prudent to have not just a backup plan, but a backup backup plan, for any major what-if; the generator you've been storing won't do you much good if you can't get more gas when you need it. And we've all known at least since 2008, if not earlier, that maintaining enough savings to cover several months of living expenses (Bedford recommends at least 6) is a smart idea, while buying a home you won't be able to afford if the slightest thing goes wrong (you lose your job, your spouse takes a pay cut, someone in your family becomes seriously ill, interest rates go up) is not.

Side tangent, though: Suggesting that a stay-at-home parent represents some sort of asset in case of emergency, because "[i]f Dad should lose his job, the family's income will take a big hit, but [they] have some interesting options. ... If things got really tight, Mom could become a math tutor or get a job as an accountant or bookkeeper" didn't make sense when Elizabeth Warren did in in The Two Income Trap, and certainly isn't any more plausible here. If the job market is such that Dad, who's been in the workforce all along, has a hard time finding a new job, how is a Mom who hasn't done any paid work in years going to suddenly find work that pays enough to provide significant support for her family? Unless Mom really has some rare skill set that's a) in high demand where she lives, and b) not sufficiently valued by her having been out of the workforce for some period, a better recommendation is for a family to avoid spending all their income as soon as they earn it, whether it's 1 or 2 adults doing the earning ... and to keep your skills sharp and your mind open, so that if whatever your family's current division of paid and domestic labor stops working for whatever reason, everyone's willing to change what they're doing either temporarily or long-term, whether that means picking up a second or part-time job, switching careers, or putting more time into cooking, canning, gardening, and home maintenance to offset the lack of cash you now have for such things.

Anyway, my original point from, oh, about 2 paragraphs back, is that while some of the information Bedford offers is practical, clear, and accessible even for those fairly new to the whole preparedness/ survival genre. Where she loses me, though, is where she drifts from preparing for the sorts of (oxymoron alert!) ordinary disasters that will at least touch most of us at some point -- hurricanes, tornadoes, blizzards, ice storms, floods, wildfires, job loss -- to apocalyptic scenarios that sound more like something out of a Cormac McCarthy novel:
  • "Nuclear events -- including, but not limited to, an electromagnetic pulse (EMP), suitcase bombs, and actual mushroom clouds;
  • "Terrorist attacks -- these could happen anywhere, anytime, although I have to admit that terrorists seem to favor New York City;
  • "Social unrest -- riots, strikes, large-scale and violent protests;
  • "Increased crime rate -- home invasions, car-jackings, burglaries;
  • "Economic collapse -- the devaluation of the dollar, bank closures, hyperinflation, a significant stock market crash;
  • "Biological catastrophes -- epidemics or pandemics, biological warfare;
  • "Utter and complete collapse of civilization -- it's happened before, and it can happen again."
 Maybe I'm just naive or in grave denial, but I have a hard time seriously contemplating any of the above -- or at least attempting to prepare for their remote possibility. To be fair, Bedford does note that not all conceivable disasters are equally likely, and that "it's important to assess which emergency situations are most likely to happen in you area and in your specific set of circumstances."
"In a way, making plans for emergencies is a bit like gambling. You start with the event that has the highest odds first and work your way down from there. Really, should your very first concern be a nuclear attack? Probably not. The odds are much better for a severe weather event, increased crime, or a natural disaster common to your area. Even better odds favor a deep decline in family income and the inability to pay rent or mortgage payments."
Under the circumstances, I'm willing to ignore some of her more extreme recommendations about preparing for economic collapse and building a safe room in her house, not to mention the whole firearms chapter, and just conclude that perhaps she's read a few too many of the male-targeted survivalist books and magazines she claims inspired Survival Mom and ended up with a somewhat skewed perspective on what's dangerous as a result. Perhaps I just took one too many economics classes and have too much innate pessimism, but I tend to think the danger of complete economic or societal collapse or ending up in a terrorist's cross-hairs is sufficiently remote, and the chance of our anticipating or successfully shielding ourselves from harm if one of these events does come to pass, make for an insufficient return on the time and money we'd need to invest in the attempt. (Had I been in the South Tower on 9/11, no personal firearm or inventory of home-canned peaches would have made a difference. Just saying.)

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

#19: It's All Too Much

It's All Too Much: An Easy Plan for Living a Richer Life With Less Stuff, by Peter Walsh (New York: Free Press, 2007)

Summary:
"When you think of what it will take to clean your house, are you so overwhelmed you throw up your hands and cry, 'It's all too much"? Do you dream of having a closet where your clothes aren't crammed in so tightly that you can actually get to them? Is your basement filled with boxes of precious family mementos you haven't opened in ten years but are too afraid to toss? Are your kitchen counters overrun with appliances you've never used? Do your kids play in the living room because there's no room left in their playroom? If somewhere along the way you've simply lost the ability to keep your home organized and clutter-free, then It's All Too Much has the solution you've been searching for. Peter Walsh, the organizational guru from TLC's hit show Clean Sweep, understands how easy it is for clutter to creep into your life and how hard it is to get rid of it. In It's All Too Much, he shares his proven system for letting go of your clutter, regaining control, and living the life you imagine for yourself. Peter has helped clients from every walk of life. With his trademark humor and insight, Peter guides you step by step through the very charged process of decluttering your home, organizing your possessions, and reclaiming your life. Going way beyond color-coded boxes and storage bin solutions, It's All Too Much shows you how to reexamine your priorities and let go of the things that are weighing you down. Clearly and simply, Peter gives you the courage you need to go through your home, room by room -- even possession by possession -- and honestly assess what adds to your quality of life and what's keeping you from living the life of your dreams. Filled with real life examples and advice for homes of all sizes and personalities, It's All Too Much will set you free from the emotional baggage that goes along with clutter and help you lead a fuller, richer life with less stuff."

Table of Contents:
Part One: The Clutter Problem
1. This Is Not My Beautiful House
2. Excuses, Excuses
3. Imagine the Life You Want to Live

Part Two: Putting Clutter in Its Place
Step 1: Kick Start -- Tackling the Surface Clutter
Step 2: Hash It Out!
Step 3: Conquer Your Home
Room 1: Master Bedroom
Room 2: Kids' Rooms
Room 3: Family and Living Rooms
Room 4: Home Office
Room 5: Kitchen
Room 6: Dining Room
Room 7: Bathroom
Room 8: Garage, Basement, and Other Storerooms
Step 4: Maintenance
Step 5: Cleanup Checkup
Step 6: New Rituals
Afterword: Take What You've Learned into the World

My Take:
As organizational gurus go, I like Walsh better than most, but Lighten Up was much better and more useful. This one seems targeted to folks who have a way worse clutter problem than I do; I mean, sure, we could stand to clean out the guest room/ home office, but we don't have a dining table whose top we haven't seen in 12 years. The book's premise isn't rocket science: You only have as much space as you have, so don't hold on to more stuff than you can fit into it. Get a new book or pair of shoes? Well, you need to toss an old one. Saving bins and boxes and even roomfuls of memorabilia with intentions of making it into a scrapbook some day, or because it was Grandma's and you just can't part with it? It's not exactly honoring Grandma's memory if it's in a pile o' junk in the basement collecting dust. Worth reading, I guess, if you've got a major clutter problem and Flylady isn't quite your thing, but otherwise ... just indulging my weird fondness for self-help books, so nothing to see here.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

#44: Jane Austen's Guide to Dating

Jane Austen's Guide to Dating, by Lauren Henderson (New York: Hyperion, 2005).

Summary:
"For two hundred years Jane Austen's witty, perceptive, and romantic books have delighted millions of readers. Inspired by Austen's acute observations of the hits and near-misses of love, Lauren Henderson has created Jane Austen's Guide to Dating to bring Austen's Regency wisdom into a twenty-first century perspective, complete with very modern lists of do's and don'ts.

"Jane Austen's Guide to Dating is a pithy book of concrete advice and strategies that show how honesty, self-awareness, and forthrightness do win the right man and weed out the losers, playboys, and toxic flirts. Offering an approach to dating that will never make you act against your own best instincts, Jane Austen's Guide to Dating includes insightful personality quizzes that reveal which Jane Austen character you -- and your love interest -- most resemble, and will help you find answers to your most pressing dating questions.

"The only dating guide based on stories that have truly stood the test of time, Jane Austen's Guide to Dating uses both wit and charm to help readers overcome the nonsense and find the sense (and sensibility) to succeed in a lasting relationship. No need to have read Jane Austen, either -- Jane Austen's Guide to Dating summarizes all the love stories in the books so you can dive right into the benefits of her great advice. Fans of Jane Austen and newcomers to her novels alike will delight in this fun, fresh, and audacious guide."

Table of Contents:
  • Introduction
  • About the Structure of This Book and How to Use It
  1. If You Like Someone, Make It Clear That You Do
  2. Don't Put Your Feelings on Public Display, Unless They're Fully Reciprocated
  3. Don't Play Games or Lead People On
  4. Have Faith in Your Own Instincts
  5. Don't Fall for Superficial Qualities
  6. Look for Someone Who Can Bring Out Your Best Qualities
  7. Don't Settle -- Don't Marry for Money, or Convenience, or Out of Loneliness
  8. Be Witty If You Can, but Not Cynical, Indiscreet, or Cruel
  9. Be Prepared to Wait for the Right Person to Come Along
  10. If Your Lover Needs a Reprimand, Let Him Have It
  • Which Jane Austen Character Are You?
  • Which Jane Austen Character Is the Man You Like?
  • Compatibility Chart
  • Book Summaries
  • Characters
My Take:
Was looking for something else in the same general shelving area, and this one caught my eye on the title alone. So far it's pretty darned funny; I've only read Pride & Prejudice (and seen movie versions of Emma and Sense and Sensibility), but I can still enjoy a self-help book that doesn't take itself too seriously.

(Afterwards) As I suspected, entertaining with a few grains of truth in there. Not that I expect to be on the dating market again any time soon (i.e., ever), but still fun.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

#86 - A Girl's Gotta Do What a Girl's Gotta Do

A Girl's Gotta Do What a Girl's Gotta Do: The Ultimate Guide to Living Safe & Smart, by Kathleen Baty (New York: Rodale, 2003)

Jacket Summary: "Sassy single gal, high-powered exec in high heels, carefree college co-ed, harried soccer mom -- no matter who you are, you deserve to feel secure doing your own thing anytime, anywhere. With a little help from the Safety Chick, it's a cinch. Sharing lesson's she's learned -- the hard way -- along with proven tips from a battery of experts in street smarts, Kathleen Baty gets specific about what to pack for a business trip, where it's safe to shop online, when to report a creepy co-worker, and how to tell that guy who's bothering you at the bar to get lost -- for good. Complete with step-by-step instructions on how to stop an assailant dead in his tracks with your words, your hands, or, if necessary, a few easy-to-use self-defense weapons, this book is a master class in personal safety for women of all ages."

Table of Contents:
  • Foreward by Gavin de Becker
  • Preface: So ... Who Is This 'Safety Chick'?
  • Introduction: Safety Savvy - Why It's Hip to Be an Empowered Chick
  • Chapter 1: Intuition - An Absolute 'Must Have' in Your Personal Safety Wardrobe
  • Chapter 2: Girl on the Go - Travel and Hotel Safety Tips for Women on the Road
  • Chapter 3: Party Girl, Watch Your Cocktail - How to Protect Yourself from Being Slipped a Mickey Out on the Town
  • Chapter 4: Beauty Night - How to Feel Safe When It's Girls' Night In
  • Chapter 5: A Girl's Gotta Shop - How to Avoid Getting Ripped Off When You're Trying to Buy
  • Chapter 6: Guys Who Won't Take No for an Answer - How to Protect Yourself from a Stalker
  • Chapter 7: Working Girl - Tips on Recognizing and Avoiding Workplace Violence
  • Chapter 8: CyberGirl - Inside Tips to Help You Minimize the Dangers of Surfing the Net
  • Chapter 9: Keep Your Hands to Yourself! Domestic Violence Is Not a Family Matter ... It's a Crime
  • Chapter 10: Hand-to-Hand Combat - Should You Stay or Should You Go?
  • Chapter 11: Pick Your Poison - Self-Defense Products to Help You Stay Safe and Feel Empowered
  • Afterword: You Go, Girl! Taking Your Safety Chick Smarts to the Streets
  • A Resource Guide: Empower Yourself - Organizations That Can Assist You in Your Time of Need
My Take: In a word (or a grunt), eh. I'm not quite sure why I picked this one up; I think it was a catchy title on a yellow spine, shelved near something else I was actively looking for. Serves me right for going on first impressions. The too-jiggly descriptions of "carefree college co-eds" and "sassy single gals" on the back cover should have been a clue that I'd find the book's tone annoying; well, I did. While you can't fully learn self-defense from a book, this one does offer some useful and important general pointers, chiefly about trusting your intuition and staying aware of your surroundings. I also found the chapter on travel safety (from hotels to airports to taxis) to be pretty good overall -- not over-the-top hysterical, and offers some pointers I might not have though of on my own. Even the "Party Girl" chapter, on safe dating and clubbing, was OK; the emphasis on date rape drugs seemed a bit excessive, but hey, this is a book on personal safety, and I was in college wwwaaayyy back in the day when we were just starting to hear sensationalist newspaper articles about something called rohypnol.

Then Baty gets to the "Beauty Night" chapter, on home safety ... and things start to get a wee bit silly. She starts out asserting that all women deserve to feel safe in their own homes, but then delves into a list of rather excessive suggestions that a) probably won't make much difference, and b) would tend to make me feel more paranoid and unsafe, rather than less. Yes, it's just common sense that one shouldn't open the door without knowing who's there, shouldn't engage with the Fuller Brush Man or other door-to-door salesperson if your hinky meter is going off, and so on ... but buying men's workboots to leave by the door? Equipping a windowless safety bunker with a flashlight, phone, and weapon? Keeping pepper spray or foam under the bed? Playing a tape recording of a barking dog? Maybe I've been living in a small town for too long, or am just naive, but in the absence of a clear, specific threat, this seems like overkill. The subsequent chapters weren't quite as bad (at least not consistently), but from that point on, I couldn't help thinking of a posting I'd read last week on Lenore Skenazy's Free Range Kids blog. Yes, it makes sense to pay attention to both your surroundings and your gut; sometimes, it can even take some practice to know what one or the other is telling you. But Baty's book seems to take a Homeland Security/ TSA approach: you must do something to make yourself feel safer, even if it's out of proportion to any real threat and not all that effective, anyway. Admittedly, I've never been the victim of a crime, and Baty has (she talks in the preface about a former high school classmate stalking and ultimately attempting to kidnap her before he was arrested) -- but if the alternative is a level of Constant! Vigilance! that would make Mad-Eye Moody proud, I think I'll take the risk.